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You guys… I’ve been an uncle for about 40 minutes. I’ve got a healthy, beautiful little 6 pound 7 ounce, 19.5 inch niece. Everyone welcome Annika Lynn Kruszka into the world! :')

I mean to write this every year but never get around to it in time. I have a lot of reasons to dislike the holiday season. The primary reasons are the compulsory gift-giving, the layers of lies perpetuated to new generations, and the renewed loss of hope in humanity… but I’ll save that rant for another day. I’m writing this to tell you why you shouldn’t get me a gift, provide you with the few types of gifts I will accept, and (as extra motivation) tell you what I’ll do to unacceptable gifts.